We’ve all been there, either as the ghost, a person who vanished from the face of the earth, or as the ghostee, someone who is completely ignored for seemingly no reason at all. Both the feelings are hurtful. So, do you know how to politely ghost someone?
If you need to silently and quickly disappear on someone but don’t want to look like a total rude person while doing so, you’ve come to the right place.
Today, we’ll give you some pointers on how to nicely ghost someone. It seems morally wrong, but sometimes it just has to be done. Let’s get started!
What Exactly Is Ghosting?
According to Urban Dictionary, ghosting is “the abrupt termination or cessation of communication with someone.“
People usually ‘ghost’ when they want to stop communicating with the person they were dating. It does not, however, only apply to those in a relationship; it can also mean ceasing all communication with a friend or coworker.
In essence, they become a “ghost.” They don’t respond to texts, they remove you from all social media, they block your phone number—you get the picture. The person on the receiving end is understandably perplexed, concerned, and hurt.
The person doing the ghosting is probably feeling terrible and guilty, waiting for karma to catch up with them. It’s not a pleasant experience for either party. In some cases, ghosting someone you’ve been dating or seeing casually is the default way to end things. It should be fine if there are no feelings involved, right?
Why Do People Ghost Others?
Read more: 5 Things That Can be Harmful For Your Relationship
Ghosting, like silent treatment or stonewalling, is a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse, according to mental health professionals. However, reality is not black and white. Yes, some people ghost for the sake of ghosting. Some, however, do it for more serious reasons.
Here are some of the reasons why people ghost:
- They believe the other individual is dangerous.
- They want to avoid causing someone pain.
- They are afraid of conflict, emotional intimacy, or violent reactions.
- The person they’re ghosting refuses to acknowledge their breakup.
- The person they’re ghosting has permanently harmed them, for example, by cheating on them, sharing their most intimate secret, or spreading rumours about them.
- The person they’re ghosting is becoming more needy, possessive, or dangerously jealous.
How to ghost without hurting the other party?
Whatever your reason, here are some tips on how to ghost someone nicely:
Make an Excuse
It’s not ideal, but offering an excuse is one way to ghost someone without offending them. For example, “I lost my phone” (for six days), “I didn’t see your message” (because the messaging app stinks), etc.
If your ghostee can read between the lines and everything goes as planned, they’ll understand the subtext and gradually begin to ghost you back.
However, keep in mind that some people may take your excuse seriously. “Oh, you have the virus?” they might say. That’s fine, I’ve got a face mask! I’ll be there in ten minutes!” which is unquestionably the opposite of what you want to happen. In such cases, you’ll need to be more aggressive.
It’s Not You, It’s Me
You’re probably rolling your eyes at this point. That’s completely understandable. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is a popular phrase used in the context of a breakup. But, let’s be honest, it’s so ambiguous that it could mean almost anything.
Yes, it is you, so be honest about it. Be truthful, but in a nice way. “I know we haven’t talked in a while, and I apologise. It’s all my fault. I just don’t have the energy to interact with you the way I used to.“
“I’m really busy right now,” you can also say. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m free.”
“You’re really nice, but I don’t think I’m ready to take things further,” for example.
It’s difficult, But at least the person you’re ghosting won’t keep trying to contact you based on false hope. It will also not make them feel undervalued. As a result, the issue isn’t with them, but with you.
Disconnect Slowly
Not only is abruptly disconnecting from someone hurtful, but it may also worry the person you’re ghosting. They’d probably believe you’d been hurt, kidnapped, or worse. Because, wasn’t that last date fantastic?
For these reasons, rather than abruptly terminating all communication, it is preferable to gradually transition to ghosting someone.
Begin by separating yourself from them. Make an invisible barrier between you and them when you talk to them. If they start asking questions, respond briefly and without going into too much detail.
If they ask how your day went, tell them it was “fine”. Along with short responses, gradually increase the length of time between responses.
They will eventually notice that something is wrong. Instead of a hundred questions per day, they may only ask half of them. When they realise you’re not interested in talking, they’ll start to distance themselves from you. Eventually, all communication ceases.
Stop responding to them on social media
Read more: These 5 signs indicate that you are in an emotionally exhausting relationship
This isn’t to say you should stop responding to every Instagram or Snapchat tag and post they send you. You don’t want to irritate the person you’re ghosting.
Begin by replying to one post at a time. Have they tagged you on Instagram? Give it a heart if you agree, but don’t leave any comments. They sent you a Facebook message? Cool. Give them a thumbs up.
Have they sent a snap? Okay, disregard that one. Wait a minute, they sent another. And yet another. Don’t worry about it. Avoid the temptation. Don’t surrender!
You’ll be able to delete them from social media without them noticing once you’ve stopped responding to them entirely on specific platforms. Even if they do notice, they won’t care because you’re not responding to them anyway.
However, keep in mind that deleting them will not always suffice. You might even need to block them. However, doing so may cause some controversy, so proceed with caution.
Simply Be Honest
The best policy is honesty. Please accept my apologies for using such a cliche, but it applies perfectly here. It’s like removing a bandage. It may be painful at first, but it is preferable to delaying the inevitable. You don’t like them, and there’s nothing they can do about it.
Someone’s emotional well-being suffers greatly as a result of being tossed aside. It can result in feelings of low self-esteem, self-blame, and anxiety. So, since we’re talking about how to ghost someone nicely, the nicest thing to do is not to ghost them at all.
Yes, they will be disappointed, and they may cry or become enraged, but it is preferable to throwing them away without explanation. Put yourself in their shoes: wouldn’t it be better to know right away rather than suffer through months of agonising false hope?
Furthermore, being honest is the least you can do if you respect the other person.