Change is inevitable after getting married and many couples get disappointed that no one told them that they’d be fighting about things like which brand of soap to buy and not having time for their better half, or even whose family we would spend the holidays with.
Dating is merriment. Engagement is a blast. And once we said I do, the work began. We have heard that marriage would be work, but we don’t know how much work it would entail. Those who are single, dating, engaged and even the newlyweds, I share with you all the things people don’t talk about.
1. The maiden year is the most important. This is the time when you set the foundation for the rest of your life. The first year is filled with so many fresh memories and traditions. You start experiencing the day-to-day routine of married life. It can be good, but it can also be terrible, especially if you fight more for your independence rather than being together. Our best advice for that first year of marriage: focus on building your marriage.
2. Don’t forget to date each other. It is about having fun, making fresh memories, having deep conversations, and laughing. Schedule weekly dates and you won’t grow apart.
3. Childhood baggage does exist and doesn’t go away. From handling conflict, emotions, communication, money, holidays and traditions, all have a root from our upbringing. Look for clues to help explain your spouse’s behavior.
4. You will be apologizing and forgiving all the time, so get good at it. We all make mistakes and say stupid things and do stupid things, you have to make sure you’re owning your mistakes and giving an apology.
5. Put a little effort into your relationship every day and you will reap the rewards big time. The small gestures, the common courtesy of saying thank you and I love you, even holding hands all add up and create security in your marriage.
6. If needed go for marriage counseling. There is a stigma that getting help or using resources for your marriage means something is wrong with you and your spouse. Sometimes couple gets stuck and getting help for your relationship means that it matters to you and that you dare to do something about it.
7. It’s okay to disagree. You didn’t marry the wrong person just because you disagree on things. You’re two different people, with different upbringings, cultures, likes and dislikes. You’re stronger together than apart because you balance each other out because of your differences. So when you disagree on a particular issue, be sure to show respect.
8. Judgment and criticism will destroy trust. A healthy marriage means that both partners are sharing their thoughts, fears, desires, stories, and feelings. They’re a safe person to go to in good times and in bad. The second one of you judges what the other is going through, trust is broken and communication slowly stops.